SELF-HARMING: WHAT PARENTS SHOULD DO RIGHT NOW (and later today, tomorrow, and next week)
You never thought you’d be here.
Reading a post like this.
Heart racing.
Gut twisted.
Mind filled with fear, questions, guilt, and helplessness.
Let’s start here:
You are not a failure.
You are a parent whose child is in pain.
And you're showing up. That matters more than you know.
This guide is designed to help you move forward with calm, clarity, and compassion—because the more informed you are, the more steady you can be.
You don’t need to have all the answers.
You just need to take the next right step.
FIRST: UNDERSTAND WHAT SELF-HARM IS
Before we get to the action steps, here’s what you need to know:
Self-harm—also called non-suicidal self-injury (NSSI)—is when a person deliberately hurts themselves without the intent to die.
It’s often a coping mechanism for overwhelming emotional pain. And while most kids who self-harm aren’t trying to die, studies show that ongoing self-harm significantly increases suicide risk over time.
That’s why catching it early—and responding with love and action—can literally save a life.
Self-harm is not:
A dramatic phase
Just cutting (it can also be burning, hitting, scratching, ingesting substances, etc.)
Something kids “grow out of” without support
A reflection of your parenting
WHAT TO DO RIGHT NOW
(As in—this moment.)
1. Stay calm.
Your child is already overwhelmed. What they need most is your grounded presence—not panic.
Breathe. Soften your voice. Sit with them. Your steady presence says, you’re not alone.
2. Don’t minimize or explode.
Avoid phrases like:
“You’re just doing this for attention.”
“This is ridiculous.”
“What did I do wrong?”
Instead, try:
“I’m so sorry you’re hurting.”
“Thank you for trusting me with this.”
“You’re not in trouble. I’m here.”
Your job isn’t to understand everything today. Your job is to stay connected.
3. Check for immediate safety.
Look for open wounds or signs of serious harm. If there are deep cuts or risk of suicide, do not leave them alone. Call 911 or go to the ER.
Write this down:
988 – Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (available 24/7)
WHAT TO DO LATER TODAY
1. Create a soft landing.
You don’t need to fix everything tonight. For now, focus on peace.
Turn off the noise. Sit together. Watch a comfort show. Make their favorite meal.
It’s not about distraction—it’s about safety.
2. Do a low-pressure check-in.
Try something like:
“Would it help to talk a little about what you're feeling, or would you rather just hang out?”
Let them decide how much to share.
3. Remove easy access to harm.
Quietly remove razors, pencil sharpeners, lighters, and anything else they may use. Lock away medications. This is not punishment—it’s protection.
WHAT TO DO TOMORROW
1. Book a professional appointment.
Start with their pediatrician or a mental health provider.
Use this script:
“Hi, I need a mental health check-in for my child. They’ve been self-harming, and I need help taking next steps.”
Important: Ask the doctor to meet with your child alone for part of the visit. Many teens open up more in private.
2. Name it—without shame.
Say something like:
“This is hard to talk about, but I love you too much not to. I want to understand what you’re going through and get you the help you need.”
Normalize therapy. Normalize struggle. Normalize getting help.
3. Start gathering support (for you, too).
Call a trusted adult, pastor, counselor, or friend and say:
“I’m walking through something with my kid, and I need some support while I figure it out.”
You can’t pour from an empty cup.
WHAT TO DO NEXT WEEK
1. Follow through on care.
Stick to therapy appointments. Be honest with providers. Don’t back off if your child gets resistant—that’s normal. Stay consistent.
2. Watch for patterns.
Self-harm is often linked to:
Depression
Anxiety
ADHD
Trauma
Eating disorders
Identity struggles
Overwhelm from school or family stress
You’re not trying to diagnose—you’re watching for connections that help guide care.
3. Build a safer home environment.
If things are intense, consider making changes:
Remove or lock up dangerous items
Reduce family tension where possible
Create room for rest and emotional regulation
Limit screen time, especially late at night
This is about mental health hygiene—not overreacting.
MYTHS TO LEAVE BEHIND
❌ “Only girls self-harm”
✅ Boys, girls, and nonbinary youth all engage in self-harm.
❌ “If I bring it up, I’ll give them the idea.”
✅ Talking about it reduces risk. Silence increases it.
❌ “They just want attention.”
✅ They want connection. And that’s not a bad thing.
WHY KIDS DO THIS
Let’s pull back the curtain.
Self-harm can release a rush of brain chemicals (like endorphins) that momentarily relieve emotional pain.
It might be their way of:
Numbing out
Expressing what they can’t say
Gaining control when life feels chaotic
Punishing themselves
Escaping thoughts or stress
They don’t need you to fix it.
They need you to walk with them through it.
REMEMBER THIS:
Self-harm is a symptom, not a character flaw.
Your calm presence is more powerful than perfect words.
There is always hope—and there is always help.
IF YOU’RE OVERWHELMED RIGHT NOW:
Take the next small step.
Breathe.
Text a friend.
Make the call.
Lock the cabinet.
Sit beside them without fixing.
And remember:
This is not the end of your child’s story.
This is the moment you step into it with more clarity, more compassion, and more courage.
You are not alone.
And neither are they.
RESOURCES
📞 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline – 24/7
📱 Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
🧠 Self-Injury Recovery & Support
👩⚕️ Your child’s pediatrician or school counselor
We’re here for you.
We created 100 Reasons to Stay Alive because no one should walk through this in silence.
If your child is struggling—if you are struggling—there is a way through.
And if you don’t quit…
You win.
